What I plan to do with my $1.9 billion Powerball winnings I win tonight
Someone has to win this thing eventually, it might as well be me
Monday night's Powerball jackpot is expected to reach a world-record $1.9 billion, following more than three months of draws without winners, game officials said.
The last winning Powerball ticket was drawn on Aug. 3 by a lucky Pennsylvanian.
Monday's draw is scheduled to be conducted at 10:59 p.m. EST at a Florida Lottery's studio in Tallahasse.
While I have bought my Powerball tickets for tonight, and I know I’m going to win, the odds are against me and some scumbag bum is likely to win it all.
But seeing as I’m going to win it, it’s probably a good idea to start planning my future as a billionaire.
As I was waiting in line at “The Luckiest 7-Eleven In The World” in beautiful Chino Hills, CA, which has seen three Powerball winners already, I realized that I could buy this place if I really wanted to once I collect my winnings in the next couple of days.
But I don’t want a 7-Eleven. I want these things.
Buy A New Dodgers Hat
A new sports cap is the sports fans equivalent to the power tie for sports fans. If I’m going to conduct business and handle these multi-million dollar transactions as my fellow billionaires do regularly, I need to look my best. And to do so I need to have the appropriate business professional attire.
Buy a Sports Team
I may not have enough to buy the Washington Commanders, but I could possibly afford the Anaheim Ducks, Fulham, Sheffield United or some other B-Team that is worth scraps to billionaires like myself.
Move To A Sports Gambling State
While $1.9 billion may look like a lot of money to poors like yourself, smart businessmen need to find ways to sustain and grow their wealth. And the clear answer is sports gambling. Let’s get it done California. Yes on Prop 27.
Help Out Family…At Least Some Of Them
If you’re related to me and you’re reading this, you know which side you fall on.
Hire A Trainer Knowledgeable About Steroids
If I’m going to be rich, why not try to reach my full athletic potential in the gym and when running. Bring on the SARMS, bring on the Tren, bring on the Anavar, Winstrol Test, and Tbol. Bring it all.
What’s the worse that could happen?
And there’s a good chance some scumbag will win instead of me and dash my hopes and dreams.
But I’m going to win